Saturday, January 26, 2002

This is brilliant... Paint the whole world..... Turn the sound up and I especially recommend ruderainbow2.wav (just underneath the "misc" bit)...

Don't know if this is any good... Try it and if you don't like it... complain to the owner of THAT site, I'm not interested.
Finished work for the day, so undoubtedly, there will be about 1/2 an update over the weekend, whilst I lay in my pit at home and get progressively drunker/stoned...

C ya!
Thanx Alex!!

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away.
Later, he notices the dog is back again.

He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth.
The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."

The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill.
So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth.

The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time,
he decides to close up shop and follow the dog. So, off he goes.

The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing.
The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button.
Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.
The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number,
and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices it's the right bus,
and climbs on. The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus.

The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus,
and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth,
and the butcher still following.

They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step.
Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door.
He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!
There's no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall,
and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times.
He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts
laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV,
for Pete's sake!" To which the guy responds, "Clever, my eye. This is the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
This cannot be right... Although it is a very good idea.... I'm just not sure it's going to work THAT well...
Do you ever remember Tron??? I will download this just after I get home....

YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT THIS!!!

For all of you "theoretical people" out there, in theory at work, there is a "Websense" proxy.. This means that you can't view some of your favourite pages because they're "bad"... But I can get round it.. click this!!!.... Sheer genius!
hehehe.... he heeee he hee heeee heeeee he heeee heehehe heeee heee heeehe ehe. Where did everyone go??

Friday, January 25, 2002

Remember the Wombles??? Well, they're back, and causing traffic congestion!

Hoorah, 20 minutes until my break, now all I need to do is finalise my plans for floor-domination and I'm there...

now 2 minutes until my break, perhaps if I stay quiet in the corner, no-one will call me.... oh, getting excited now, had one of my posts up for criticism on b3ta.com... Going to have to post more of them in my lunch hour...

Wooooo! Done another one... Have a look at b3ta!!
get your own place at fortune city.com
Yes, that's right, one more about a bloke who is going to create a black hole... twat.
I'm not sure I like the sound of this...
Going back to Babelfish Fun. If you take something in English, translate it to Japanese and then back to English and repeat a few times it then starts to become oddly poetic.
Hats off to you, the guv'nor..." And I am proud to call myself a fellow Bristolian.

I couldn't be arsed to hyper-link them all, just copy and paste and be thankful I've put these up here... Nicked courtesy of b3ta.com...

http://members.tripod.co.uk/wingcommanderbob/b3ta/bunnybreath.gif 8.89 46
http://members.tripod.co.uk/kplex/create_paul.jpg 8.67 3
http://www.limpfish.com/b3ta/daniels_2.jpg 7.90 30
http://members.tripod.co.uk/euque/davis1lg.jpg 7.88 113
http://www.b4ta.com/images/bear-bunny-steal.jpg 7.70 20
http://www.blart.com/images/dan.gif 7.36 135
http://www.mxdirect.net/b3ta/paul.jpg 7.26 19
http://www.schnursenkel.com/fotofest/daniels.jpg 7.24 25
http://members.tripod.co.uk/fragpot/images/paul_barrie.jpg 7.00 34
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/img/sw.jpg 6.95 21
http://members.coolchannel.com/thepuggle//o.O.gif 6.94 52
http://kimbo-be-coo.com/magic-finger.jpg 6.81 70
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/img/ofp.jpg 6.79 19
http://www.whitedust.demon.co.uk/scabbydog/dancelittleman.gif 6.73 44
http://www.blart.com/images/po.gif 6.73 143
http://216.136.200.194/auction/Jan/20021214512982830546499.jpg 6.66 80
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/davepalmer/montages/magic.gif 6.52 44
http://members.tripod.co.uk/euque/brick-wall.jpg 6.52 25
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/img/fp.jpg 6.44 16
http://www.mxdirect.net/b3ta/wig.gif 6.40 68
http://www.limpfish.com/b3ta/jennyreply.jpg 6.38 26
http://www.b3ta.com/images/b3ta/paul1.jpg 6.30 161
http://216.136.200.194/auction/Jan/20021188827751921686063.jpg 6.25 24
http://www.andyspad.net/images/paul1.jpg 6.15 81
http://www.limpfish.com/b3ta/daniels_day-lewis.jpg 5.77 47
http://members.tripod.co.uk/wingcommanderbob/b3ta/paulhair.gif 5.77 98
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/davepalmer/montages/evil.gif 5.74 84
http://homepage.mac.com/lothario/pics/bat&bugs.jpg 5.68 66
http://www.snakemountain.co.uk/b3ta/birdwig.jpg 5.65 20
http://members.tripod.co.uk/euque/birth.jpg 5.65 31

That's magic...

and last one for the evening...
No, no, noooooo!
I've found something really crap... here.....
and another one here, try this old shit out...

Thursday, January 24, 2002

brilliant...

A woman living in a rural area wanted to have an outhouse that wouldn't stink. She advertised it in the local papers for a contractor that could build such a structure. After some time, a contractor applied for the job and guaranteed that the outhouse would not have any odor. He got the job. Sometime after completing the construction, the man got a frantic call from the woman, "You'd better get here fast! That outhouse has a terrible smell!" He rushed over, went to the outhouse, poked his head through the door and exclaimed, "No wonder it stinks! You shit in it!"
It's 3:30am and I'm very tired, but I'm hooked on this site...
I've just found a superb website, you have to look closely at the pages...

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

Well, I've just found some weird sites, and my mate, Lisa has helped find a few more...

If, like me, you spend too much time on the internet and too little time using it for something useful... like porn or something... Then Look here!

And something that I thought was pretty cool.... but decided it was pretty funny I was stoned at the time..

This has some mad news on it what the fuck.?

This man needs help... about £39 pounds worth at time of writing. I'm just worried the car will do the same to others..

Paul Daniels is a witch. Keep your eyes peeled for this site. I've heard there are a few people working on getting it up and running asap... funny shite...

And some madness here if you like pussies of both descriptions.

And more jug, filthy pillow, funbag, toi, boob and blatant knocker-related going on here.

A chap I know, Neil, is a bloody good artist and has a website here. check out the mad kid's room he did in Star-Wars style.. Fucking great, all you'd need is a fridge full of beer and a Scalextric and you're there...

Oh bollocks, I'm bored now...

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

aaaaah! time to go home
Paul Daniels supporting sensible shoes???
And what.... the FUCK is this???

And does anyone know how to complete this little game?
oh bugger, I've broken it now....
Bored??? Catch the beermat!!
Not sure what this is about...
Haven't really looked at this site, but I like it already.. It's really well designed... Just look at the quality!!

This bit is disturbing...

Also found a list of rude place names that Phil Collins will be going to..... errrm.... last year.

How is this for madness?? You can take a picture of yourself, showing a time, and then these people will show it for you... Why?

Do you like the panto??? Nope, neither do I, but you can see some real mad shit here.

Bored for now....

C ya
I'm going to have a look at cheap flights again... I do recommend lastminute.com.. brb!
Here's what I sent to people....

If men wrote problem pages:

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend
and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you!
Knowing that there is only one of you he can
settle for the next best thing your best friend.
from being an issue, this can bring you
together. Why not get some of your old college
roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive,
maybe you should let him be with your friends without
you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral
sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think
about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex
on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a
great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this.
His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is
totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best
thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a
day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be
encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove
his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young
single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a
more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can
rekindle your relationship better than the man being
away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the
house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is
when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to
do when he gets home is for you and your best friend
to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If
you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask
your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape
yourself while doing this, and present it to your
husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish
guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a
delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should
seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very
stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available
to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for
foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your
man as much as you should; He should never have to
work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish!
Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral
sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and
goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps
you've forgotten To cook him a nice meal.
enough of that boring shite.... It's nearly 1:35 in the morning and I've just seen something that had me running to the toilet faster than Christopher Reeve out of a saddle... it's here
They even have a nice little intro movie...

Monday, January 21, 2002

Just been to the pub and nothing happening there, apart from me finishing reading my book "SAMS teach yourself networking in 24 hours" bring shite, but at least I know what the bloody hell goes on in networks now. I've just started on a new book on TCP/IP management... oh dear...


Found another site, dedicated to the most under-estimated foodstuff that you can find in your fridge... LARD.
Well, Monday has finally arrive, only another 9 days to go until I get paid... I think...
Still, had a really lazy day yesterday, that's right, I did bugger all. I sat in front of my pc and did bugger all, ALL DAY! I spoke to a couple of people tho. Lee in Swansea (salute the Colonel!) and Lisa again (K)!!.
Well, I'm sat here, having the laziest Monday I think there has ever been on record. there are 19 people in available and I'm just sat here, doing what I was supposd to do yesterday, update this bloody thing...

Oh wow, I like the idea of this one... Try it, it might be something to do with the 3g phones...
And I'm always amazed about the variety of different aids to get you to quit smoking... Here is another one! And a good one too, bet it's 'orrible... And how the buggery fuck did this guy manage to get caught twice?? That's just careless... Fool..