Saturday, January 19, 2002

Oh fuck it. I'm going to the pub, I've just left my last caller hanging on the line until he got bored to give him a taste of my life here....
Wonder what makes a geek?
Right, I've now just lost another update I was going to do for this site, involving 9 year-olds driving to school, exoskeletons, watches that display in binary, and other foolish shit like that. I'm going to have to sit down (I am, I mean, going to have to relax) and chill the second I finish work. it's only 19 minutes to my break, so I'm getting quite excited, maybe I should start rolling my cigarettes for the break now, so I don't have to worry about wasting time on my real break?!?!?! Just a thought...
Ever wanted to buy the skeleton of a whale?? Well, here is your chance to buy it!! If you like that sort of thing.

...."It's a good sign that she is so concerned about her education and she was worried about missing school," said Greensburg police Chief Richard Baric. "A lot of kids would have decided to stay home and watch cartoons all day, so we have to give her credit for that."....
Now if you're wondering why I've just put that clip there, it's because of this! So read it and wonder why.....
Well, I've just come back from the pub at lunch (yummy it was too, just the 1 pint of Nelson, well, 1 and a half really, all I could fit in) and I've nearly finished my book on networking. Up to chapter 24 now (the one that says you can learn it in 24 hours, like fuckery can you) and I'm just about losing the plot, I'm feeling a little bit weird (probably the beer) and I've got this vague sense of things that are going on around me that can't happen, such as when I crossed the street earlier today, I couldn't believe that I was doing it!!
I suppose this is what some people say is the "best of life" being able to walk wherever you want, to be able to live and breathe in a free world... something like that anyway.. I think I just had a headspin.. Not unknown....

Anyway, I'm probably talking bollocks and for the 1st time in about a month, I actually want to help people! Only the people that call in, who are nice, who don't shout, who don't have stupid questions, who are sane, who are not pissed off with us, which sort of singles out about 3 people really, none of which have called today. But I still want to help. Honest Guv.

Think you know your onions?? Or do you know your TITS better?. Alternatively, have you tried this site? If you like Beer, then don't visit it. It's the unholy haven for tart-fuel and bitch-piss that was once ruled by the likes of Hooch and that fucking awful other shite... Probabably Mad Dog 20/20... And Cider, oo-arr....
And whatever happened to THIS GUY??? Surely he was too stupid to be missed somewhere... He sounds as if he had been drinking... Stupid Boy...

If you're as bored as I am, I'm sure you'll appreciate this site about names. Try searching for your own.. Alex, I'm afraid you might not find quite as many as you may have originally thought... At least you're not common like me.....

Earlier today, I went through a timewarp, and although I seem to have conveniently forgotten next weeks lottery numbers, I did bring back this small article from the New York Post. Have a read, it may go some way to beat geek city... or even this bollocks...
I'll be back later with some more....
Hello people, again...
I've found some useless pile of turds for you... just here! and also some random t-shirt related rubbish just here
sorry I haven't been more productive, but I'm not a very productive person today. Just like I said yesterday, it was quiet, that means all the wankers are going to call in today and expect the moon on a stick. They can bugger off here. And I don't care...

Friday, January 18, 2002

now I'm really bored, I'm just flicking through these internet referral sheets without really takign in what they're saying. Still, I have my evening planned out for me... Going to fly past a couple of people's places before going out and getting drunk (maybe I'll stay in and get wankered by myself.... maybe not...)
anyway, onwards!! I've finished work and not shutting down the pc quickly will make sure I don't get out of here any sooner..

C ya!
One thing I must say is that I haven't had anything to eat today and I should have done really. I went to the pub for lunch and now I'm going to the Khazi more than ever... shit....
One more thing, just as I was walking back from the pub at lunchtime, I used to have some orange "Lennon" shades that I traded with a friend of min, Jock, many moons ago. Why I thought about that I have no idea, the only thing I can remember about the specs was the fact that they made the trees seem funny and the ginger people hilarious. Just a thought....

I'm feeling really happy for a change, I met some lovely ladies (mainly in the Minnerva team at work) and they are lovely. They hadn't heard of me yet, which explains nothing, but I thought I'd just ask them if they had.

I've just been on the phone to another chap at work who advises (?) me that TONY BLAIR is an anagram of NOT BY RAIL.... spooky eh? And PM TONY BLAIR is an anagram of IM TORY PLAN B... think about it........ then forget it. BTW, did you know that an anagram of my name is JET PACE MINI or MANIC PIE JET. I quite like them, but that last one is a bit dodgy..
Well, niow I'm back to work with my cup of vendor coffee and fully nicoteened up, I'm going to have a lok on the internet for some new mail... Oh no I can't the proxy is being slow... I bloody hate computers anyway, why do I have to do this??
I'm going to have to go for a pint at lunch time, I know it's sort of weekday thing, but I could really do with one. I bumped in to my flatmate's girly yesterday, she was in the Goblin and I thought I'd give her a call and see what she was up to. She came down, pissed out of her mind, and then Ryder and Dougal started taking the piss. I, being the gentleman, of course, joined in. After about 40 minutes, it was closing time and I had to go home, Kim wanted to come with me (thinking out loud I'm sure I said "I hope Chris is home" just when he rang her on her mobile) so I let her and when I got back, I just sat back in front of my PC and started to re-format the bloody thing, she went to Chris' room. She's mad..
I'm going to have to do something to aleviate the boredom here, I've been sat here for the last 25 minutes without a single call and I'm wondering if they're all saving it up for the weekend, you know, the time when I usually turn up for work with seconds to spare, flustered, hungover and generally feeling like shit.
I don't care if no-one reads this, it's more theraputic to me, and in case Lisa is reading this.. Smugness, it's better than you....(PS anyone who would like to make that in to a t-shirt, you have my authority, as long as I can have a couple of freebies, one large for me, one xtra large for Lisa to accomodate her fantastic knockers)

I have no links!!! I have to trawl the internet for a while to be able to find some weirdness for y'all. I haven't really been bothered today, I thought I'd just turn up for work and hopefully no-one will notice me sulking and farting in the corner. Alright, maybe no-one had notcied the sulking bit... I'm sulking because I've just had to pay £800 quid off my charge card, let it get a bit out of hand there for a while, and I also need to contact the CSA to see if I can get re-assessed. And if they can give me an allowance if I go to evening classes on PC management / software things etc etc... I'll have to find out what is going first.

If you find anything you think I might like, then mail me with the reference number. Hell, I'll do just about anything to get myself out of here. And I'll also so anything to get me some discount from the CSA, and if they don't do it, then I'll have to write to my MP... Here is his address :
Dr Desmond Turner.
Rt Hon Des Turner MP
MP for Brighton, Kemptown
House Of Commons
London
SW1A 0AA
He's my MP and if you want to find your local MP, click here. A bit boring I know, but something useful for a rainy day, when you feel your MP is doing bugger all. Actually, I sold Dr Turner a widescreen TV when I used to work for Sony, I didn't even realise it was him at first until I saw his creditcard, and to top it all, both Mrs Turner and himself were really nice people, which helps.
RIGHT... That is IT, my PC, which I have been praising to the skies for being the world's most stable PC has finally crashed. I was using XP Proffessional. It had lasted less than 6 months.#
So yesterday was spent smoking and drinking and backing-up most of my PC, which had involved about 16 CDs until I got bored and just threw it all at the server and saw how much it took on the the HD without overflowing everywhere. So fucking boring. I now have the opportune delight of re-installing absolutely everything on my PC, including operating system. I tried to do this last night, but was far too tired to do anything about it then. I just formatted the HD and should now be able to re-install XP.. But hold on there... It won't install by itself. I need to install 98SE, over the top of the crappy DOS utility, then install XP over the top.. Shouldn't take more than a couple of hours of leaving it running, then setting up the network connections shouldn't take more than about 10 minutes. But I shouldn't have to do this...
BTW if anyone gets the bastard virus that I had, wring it's fucking neck, as it made everything on my PC behave reather badly. For example... trying to download a security update for Explorer, requires Explorer, which didn't work. Then of all things to happen, ICQ then crashed, then Norton AntiVirus... Then I couldn't install anything, then I got stoned, then I went down the pub and got pissed. Which helped.
I am really fucked off with the way it was behaving anyway. It was taking the world's longest time to boot up (which XP is apparently famous for being the quickest at!) and then not running some programs even when you run it in compatability mode for 95/98 etc... arseholes.

Still, I'm not going to become a boring techy, I'm just happy that I've managed to pay off my charge card at work... Causing much distress. Going to cut up card... soon!
I'm also having to string it out with the mighty CSA who are taking lots of money a month, to give back to themselves, that's right, my daughter doesn't see a penny of it, and under the new scheme of things, I'm no better off. So bollocks to them, and to tell them what you think, click here and these kind and very helpful people will help pass it on. I tend to use them now and again, so if you find a link for AGENT_VULGA then yup, that's me!!

going to finish my rant now, as it's my break. Hooray for 12:30!!!

PS I'll probably continue my rant when I come back.

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

OK, I found one... go to random.com.

The clue is in the question, not only that, it claims "Random.com, Categorized Random Links".... Categorized, eh? Doesn't sound too random to me...

C ya
Well, I'm just about to walk on my merry way out of the building for a couple of days... not walk out, taking me a coupld of days to do it, more like going for a couple of days, back on Friday :-(
Still, I've just called Gail and I'm going to pop over to hers later for some wine and some green stuff.... erm... vegetables of course.... no, that sounds worse...
Gail is a great mate and we just complain to each-other about all the bad shit that happens, then I go home, and she goes to bed.. Simple really.
I haven't got a final website for the day... but hang on....
Looking at this page, I'm not sure if I'm shocked, feeling sympathy pain, or if I'm completely honest, aroused.... See 4 yourself. Even tho some are just blatant efforts to get some women in leotards on the page. Which I like...
Ever seen the Dead Pool? You know, that film with Dirty Harry in it. This is where you can play this innocent game. Surprising how many people guessed Harry Secombe.. Also a bit surprising how many people are guessing Ronald Regan... Perhaps they're being a little bit vindictive?

Not that I'm wishing to put ideas in to your heads, but this page is devoted to the Queen. Gawd bless her.
I really didn't even want to know what was going on here.... it sends shivers down my spine thinking about it

How about this psychic test I think I got it on about try 3... A big disappointment for the psychic world, I'm sure. Missing socks??? Find them here. Alternatively, take this test to see if you're power hungry.. One of the three you can take, I rated 8/10 for some reason...
Always wanted to swear in Swedish? Well, now is you big chance to swear with the rest of Europe (not at Sweden tho, I have a few friends who are Swedish..... yes, they are all women..)

Now, to finish off this little bit of text, I suggest you don't look posted by Agent at

This is how I come out with this crap... So now you know
No, wasn't happy with that one, thought I might use this one instead
Now I just got bored and changed the way it all looks, easier on the eyes I think...
Well, I'm back at the hot seat again... well the blue seat really, the one I sit on at WORK!!! Help me! I've had a very spinny walk to work this morning, and whilst I'm waiting to get paid I had to raid the 5p jar I have at home to pay for some coffee at work (10p for a cup of tepid wee-wee)... Anyway, someone was kind enough to send me this joke.. Thanx Chloe!!

There is this blonde woman driving up the motorway in a brand new bmw covertable with her music blasting through the windows. She manages to run a lorry off the road, she pulled over and the lorry driver got out furious. "right" he said angrily "stand in this circle and don't step out of it untill i say so." The man drew a circle in the middle of the hard shoulder,and the woman stepped in it. The man went to his lorry and pulled out a baseball bat and smashed all of the windows and the mirrors, he turned back to look at the blonde and saw that she was giggling. He pulled out a pocket knife and slashed all of the tyres and the seats, he turned back and the blonde was laughing. Right thats it the man thought, he started to smash the lights and so on and he turned back to the woman and she was hysterical with laughter. The man asked her what on earth she found funny she replied.. i kept stepping out of the circle when you weren't looking ha ha ha ha.

Yes... I'm not sure how many blondes I will upset with that, but you know me... I wouldn't care anyway... Oy Mavis.... Mind you most of the blondes that I know aren't matching collar and cuffs, or so I've been told. And it's always nice to be close to your family, you know, showing your roots... hehe...
I haven't found anything even vaguely amusing on the internet today I'm afraid, so you'll just have to wait until I have enough spare time to be able to find something...

Jim

Monday, January 14, 2002

I'm going to keep this one short, as this is the second time I have had to type this in due to my PC being a twunt...
People who don't like the site (namely, people who dwell in the kitchens at parties) are advised to look to the top right of their screen, and they will find a small box with an "X" in it.. click that and fuck off...
oh, and whilst we're all still here..

There was a drunkard wondering around the streets of Dublin with his arm outstretched holding a key.
A policeman stopped him and asked if he was ok.
"I'm foine, but some bastard has stolen me car" said the drunken bloke
"Oh dear, well, where was the last time you saw it?" asked the officer
"On de end of dis here key" he said
At this point, the officer realises that the drunk has his todger (that's cock, girls, cock) hanging out.
"Do you realise that you are exposing yourself, sir?" said the officer
"Oh feckin' b'Jaysus, don't tell me they've nicked me girlfriend too!"

On that note, I'm going to get something to eat, talk to Lisa and smoke something green....
I'm sure I buggered up one of the links in the last update.. Oh well. Bearing in mind that people from work and also people that I know read this. I'm going to make this a little bit more rude than normal.. and any of you that don't like it, there's a little button on the top right of your screen, it's got an X in it.. that's the one... click that one.. there... isn't that better...
Good, now they've gone (the kitchen-dwellers in house parties) I can get on with the profanities...
I like this joke..
An Irishman was staggering through the streets of Dublin, when a Policeperson (very PC, Jim, very PC) stopped him in the street to see if he was alright. The drunken man said "Well, I'm pretty sure my car has been stolen".
"Where did you see it last?" asked the officer
"Well, it was right here on the end of my key" he said, waving the outstretched arm holding the key
At this point, the officer notices that the drunk has his todger out (that's right, girls.. his cock) and says
"Do you realise you're exposing yourself, sir?"
"Oh feckin' b'Jaysus, they've nicked me girlfriend as well!!"

Not that great, but raised a few eyebrows and/or smiles at work today.. Even from this woman who I thought would batter the living shit out of me for suh a rude joke, sat there chuckling..
Well, I'm not one to dwell on ceremony, so I'm going to speak to Lisa now :-P

Some old, some new, but all funny.
And I've just sent you an email, Dicky. In case anyone else wants to know what I sent, it's here. I couldn't think of anyone else who would get the jokes straight away. Sorry.

I'm so bored, try this site. It's a bit strange, but I think someone has made the effort here.
I also highly reccomend this site for jotto.com it's really well made, probably on a Macintosh.
I want to get a t-shirt from this place. Just a large one for me please... anyone.... anyone.... in white, not the poofy long-sleeved version either. I don't want to look like a member of Kajagoogoo.
Once more proving that I don't have my finger on the pulse of the nation, I've only just read about this... I knew a couple, but not all of them...
Well, don't say I don't keep you up to date with earth-shattering news... Perhaps no-one would have noticed... I nearly didn't...

Sunday, January 13, 2002

Well, I like this, in fact I like it rather a lot....

I'm going to the pub now I've finished work.
I'm sat here, it's half time, I'm bored, there is no score. I'm just about getting bored of the net now. I really would like to go home. I'm not going home just yet tho... :-(
I'm just looking on the net under "vulga" on google.com. I've found a couple of things, I'm not sure that I like....
Have a look and see what you think here. I think it's wank. Not that my site is any good, but this is SHIT! And how about these muthafuckas??? they registered vulga.com, sop I couldn't have it, but it shall be mine someday!!

I like this one, it's quite nice really!

Cya!
Just got a message from my flat mate (soon to be a slightly dead flatmate). He just called me on my mobile at work, and aside from my manager looking over a little bit funny at me, the message goes like this... "Hello mate, Kim and me are in the Hobgoblin, we're just about to watch the Arsenal v Liverpool match, wondered if you might want to come down and have a drink with us" GIT, he knows I'm working, and he keeps doing this to me. Right, that's it, I';m going to get myself a really expensive holiday, go to it and call him up every day. Making sure that I mention the miles of golden sands and countless women... Or is that miles of golden women and countless sand?? I'm not sure, either way would be a bonus for me, as I'm hacked off with being single.. Well, I do have a potential lady on the cards. But she may be reading this, so I won't go any further :-P.
I'm still here at work and I'm getting more and more bored by the minute, just itching to get out again. I might even have to go outside for my ciggy during my break, at least it would get me away from the desk. And I'm running out of water. Just a sec, I'm going to send Chris (my flatmate) a nasty message from the internet!! Hehe!
Message reads : "Ah, BITCH! I will be obtaining the scores from my PC. Not only that, but I'm earning lots of money instead of spending it, now how do you feel, BITCH???" hehe. Hope he gets that one. He should do, kick off isn't until about 4:00 pm as far as I know. Git.
Well, I haven't had much time to finsd out some more weird websites, but I have managed to find Chip Rowe. Should have a closer look at this one, read the bit about "How to annoy people online" it really works.... At least I'm pretty sure it does.
Now if you want to get freaked out and see what a human looks like from the inside, then go to the National Library of Medicine eughhhh. I'm going to have the movie of it on my website in the future (haven't even started one of the pages yet!!?!!?!) and so on and so forth...
And this.... what is this about? If I knew, I wouldn't be asking....
And I do heartily recommend Viz website for some childish and/or toilet homour.. and in case you're wondering, you CAN view this site through the proxy at work!
And this shit is weird, people with too much time on their hands. And hehe hehe heheehheee.


Bugger, I just lost a small little bit of blog that I was working on, shouldn't bugger about I s'pose. Still, have a look at this nutter. I still have no idea what he's meant to be doing, but he seems to be doing it pretty well.. Might be a she tho....
I have had minimal success in my attempts of getting drunk last night in the Goblin of Hob, so I went home to get mashed up instead. Upon my return to my flat, I found my flatmate prectically shagging this woman on the sofa. She incidentally had a fair amount of the blunt I was holding, and also came in to my room just as I was about to fall asleep. She's weird, but then my flatmate did meet her on ICQ, if yopu don't have it, get it, it's a great way to meet mad people.. As my flat mate has proved correct. She's going back to Canada at the end of the month tho. Never mind. She keeps calling me a wanker, I think it's her favourite word, but I could be wrong.
I'm going to find some more foolish shit on the internet and post the links up here, so I'll see ya'll soon...

Agent Vulga...